Too much to bear…

Have you ever had a time or maybe several times in your life where you felt you had too much to bear? Have you felt that life was a tunnel and the closer you tried to get to the light, to the closure of the unbearable circumstance, the further away the light seemed?  I know that I’ve been there, numerous times.  I’ve had moments that I felt like I wanted the earth to open up and swallow me whole.  I’ve wanted to wake up to find that it had all been a bad dream. I’ve screamed that silent scream, you know the one, the scream that goes down to the root of your soul, where hopelessness and helplessness reign and you begin to believe that all is lost.  I’ve been to the point that I thought of ending my life and in fact got pretty close to doing so, but instead I looked up into the bathroom mirror and stared at myself and said, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING!”

So what did I do? I chose to get up each day.  I put one foot in front of the other.  I got up each day and I prayed.  I had pity parties and then when things were too much again, I remembered to pray.  I cried, ranted and raved at the only One who could really hear and understand the depths of my despair.  I asked God to help me and He has. 🙂 I will admit though that when I was going through some of these circumstances I had times that I thought that this might be even too big for God to handle. I had many moments that I was too overwhelmed and quite frankly forgot to pray.  However, He rescued me and saved me even though He knew of my (at times) unbelief.  I am so thankful that God is not who I think that He is.  He is so much more than that.  He understands me better than I know myself. He loves me more than I can even fathom.  He will never give up on me, on us!

I’ve had people tell me off and on in various times in my life that God doesn’t give us more than we can bear.  Really?  I wanted to say, ” You needed to tell me this now?”  Because at that moment I felt like I couldn’t take any more.  I was definitely at the end of my rope and what was left of my rope was quickly slipping through my fingers.  I would come away from these well-meaning people, glad that they cared about me, but I left thinking that I must have done something really wrong because God definitely had abandoned me in this particular situation because I really did have too much to handle.

A couple of years ago I tried to find this verse in the Bible that said that God doesn’t give us more than we can bear.  I couldn’t find it.  In fact it doesn’t exist.  Instead I found out that we are to give our hurts and burdens over to God.  If He in fact doesn’t give us more than we can bear, why then does the Bible tell us to give our burdens over to Him?  We are told in the Bible that we can do all things, not on our strength but on the strength that comes from Jesus. If we are going to have a life that we never have things that are too much for us, why are we told we can do all things through Christ’s strength?    I found out that we give God delight when we come to Him with our problems.  How then can I give God delight if I don’t have things in my life that I can’t handle?  I found out that I am never alone, that God is always with me.  He never leaves me (which means that I am never abandoned).  God never said that life would be a bed of roses.  In fact the opposite is said.  Life will be hard.  It is especially in these hard times that we are to go to Him and He will give us His strength to get through whatever we are to get through.  The strength we need to face each and every day comes from Him.

Recently God has reminded me that He gives me (us) exactly what I (we) need to “do life” each day. From the time I open my eyes to the time I close them each and every day I have exactly what I need to get through that day.  The key here is that I need to rest in the fact that God is in control of my day, not me. I don’t have to worry or be afraid about what tomorrow is going to bring because I can be sure that whatever tomorrow brings God will give me exactly what I need to get through it. 🙂 God is the one who is going to help me get through the tough times.  All I need to do is let Him help me. 🙂

Here’s to His renewed mercies each and every day.

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